


To Be or Not to Be

by embraidery



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Childhood Memories, Gen, Memories, Siblings, mentions of Panto/Silas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 08:11:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embraidery/pseuds/embraidery
Summary: Panto asks Litzibitz whether she'd rather or not be a queen. She sifts through her memories to help her make her decision.





	To Be or Not to Be

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta, @excellentcollectionofwords on tumblr, for looking this over and giving solid advice! Just so everyone knows, I was terrible and wrote like half of this just before the deadline, so any mistakes or clunkiness in that half (especially with contractions) are all my own fault ;) And thanks to my artist, @ohhadivist, for the adorable artwork they drew for this piece! (Link: https://bit.ly/2IVs463) It's been awesome working together with my beta and artist and the author I'm beta-ing for, and I'm excited to see everyone's work!
> 
> I beta'd for @Chaoskitten on ao3 -- go check out her story Two Sane Guys Going Shopping, a really cute Brotzly adventure! https://bit.ly/2KDwNGX
> 
> Note: I didn't realise until I'd already gotten fairly far into this that canonically Litzibitz is the older sibling. I'd been going off the ages of the actors (Panto's actor is about twelve years older) but fudged it to give them a seven-year age difference in Panto's favour. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

    

 

After Panto’s reappearance and all the things that happened after, Litzibitz spent hours in the castle garden. She found peace among the trees, listening to the creek babble, watching butterflies float over the flowers. Sometimes she was joined by Bigby or Panto, and they’d sit together in silence or talk for hours. Litzibitz realized that she had been taking her comfortable life for granted, and she was determined to take full advantage of it now.

 

On one of these afternoons, she’d come out to the garden to find Panto already lounging on a park bench, watching a winged mouse flutter just above the garden path in search of food. She sat down next to him. When a servant passed a few minutes later, Litzibitz requested two mugs of her favorite mint tea.

 

“What was your favorite thing about the other world?” Litzibitz asked Panto. She accepted a mug of tea from the servant and thanked her.

 

Panto ran one hand through his pink coiff. “I remember less and less of my time there,” he admitted, and Litzibitz nodded: her memories of the time during and after Panto’s disappearance, especially the fight that had taken place, were fading more every day. “But their world isn’t so different from ours, you know. There is a lot of sadness, but the people are so optimistic, so hopeful.” He paused. “I remember a woman named Bartine. She gave me a fruit pastry when I was trapped in their jail. And, of course, I remember Dirk Gently.” A smile flickered across Panto’s face. “There is a man who is full of profound sadness and joy.” The siblings sat in contemplative silence, both sipping their tea. “I think you might like it there, Bitzy.”

 

“Maybe I will go someday,” Litzibitz said, smiling up at the sky. She loved Wendimoor, but she had explored all the glens there were to explore and splashed in all the creeks her country had to offer. “Just for a little while.” She took another sip of her tea and looked over at her brother. He was nearly glowing in the evening light, a smile stealing across his face. “What are you thinking about?”

 

Panto looked over at her. “I have something to confide in you, Bitzy. I am in love.”  

 

Litzibitz grinned. “Finally!”

 

“What do you mean?” Panto asked.

 

“I wondered when you would tell me about Silas.”

 

“You know?!” Panto exclaimed. Hot tea splashed all over his lap, and he jumped to his feet, dashing tea from his pants.

 

“You aren’t nearly as subtle as you think you are, Panto,” Litzibitz said, smirking. In reality, she had not known for sure until Silas had told her the truth, but she had had her suspicions. Panto had a habit of glancing Silas’ way during diplomatic dinners before the war, and Silas was even less subtle.

 

Panto looked wrongfooted, but he quickly corrected his expression. “Do you approve?” Litzibitz could see his hand trembling slightly on the mug.

 

“Of course I do, dummy,” she said. “Your happiness is important to me.” Panto collapsed onto the bench in relief. Litzibitz scooted over to bump his shoulder with hers. “I love women myself, I think,” she added.

 

Panto’s eyes widened. “I’m so happy for you, Bitzy!” Litzibitz gave her brother a side hug. She released him and they sat enjoying the sunset for a while longer.

 

“Silas and I are planning to be married next year,” Panto said.

 

“That’s wonderful, Panto!” Litzibitz said, eyes shining.

 

“I am very happy,” Panto confided, breaking out in a smile, “but that’s not why I mentioned it. When we marry, we will have to choose whether to live here or on the Dengdamors’ land. I wondered if you would rather be a queen or not.” He turned to her and took one of her hands in his. “I want it to be entirely your decision, and you’ve plenty of time to think about it; but I think you would make a wonderful queen, if you wanted to be one.”

 

Litzibitz couldn’t breathe for a moment. For years she’d taken lessons alongside Panto in history, diplomacy, etiquette, warfare. She was equipped to rule, at least in theory. But she’d always taken those classes knowing that she would not rule, if everything went to plan. Wendimoor, in general, was a peaceful land. There had never been controversies over the throne. She couldn’t imagine anything happening to Panto that would mean she would take the crown. Was it something she wanted? She’d tried not to think about it to reduce her potential heartbreak. She suddenly remembered what had happened at her parents’ coronation. Panto couldn’t help but think about it, too.

 

\--

 

Litzibitz was four and a half when her grandparents were killed by rogues while touring Wendimoor. Her parents were only in their mid-thirties and had not expected to rule for decades more. Thus, their coronation was largely a solemn occasion. Litzibitz was only old enough to look forward to playing with all the visitors’ children at the coronation carnival. Panto, at eleven, liked to consider himself grown. He had visions of his own coronation thrumming through his mind.

 

“Panto, Panto, look!” Bitzy said, tugging on Panto’s sleeve. She pointed towards a booth selling candy. “They have sugar fairies!” Panto turned and watched the delicate sugar confections fly around the booth with gentle flaps of their lacy wings.

 

“Do you want one?” he asked her, already reaching into his pocket to get one of the coins his governess had slipped him.

 

“Yes, please!” Litzibitz grinned, showing off the gap where she’d lost her first tooth. Panto offered her his hand, and they walked to the booth together.

 

The vendor caught one of the fairies and handed it to Litzibitz. “Oh, no payment, your highness,” she said to Panto. “It’s my pleasure to make a fairy for the princess.” She grinned at Litzibitz, who was watching the fairies flutter around the booth, mouth open. She clutched her own fairy in one chubby hand. “Have a good coronation!”

 

“Thank you,” Panto said. “Come on, Bitzy.” They walked around the carnival, pausing often. They were both entranced by people wearing motley and juggling brightly colored balls. Every so often one of the balls would turn into a bird and fly loops around their heads before turning back into a juggling ball. Bitzy waved her little hands in the air and cheered. Bitzy’s nurse and Panto’s governess were following them at a respectful distance. They collected their charges when it was time for the coronation parade and helped them into the royal wagon behind their parents.

 

“Wave to the crowd, Bitzy!” Panto said, holding her sticky hand in his own.

 

“Hello!” Bitzy called, waving her other hand at the crowd between licks of her second sugar fairy. Panto chuckled before turning to wave at the crowd on the other side of the carriage. They trundled slowly up the avenue to the castle, passing countless houses and businesses. Every building was swagged in royal blue banners. Even the poorest houses had a small blue square on the door. The crowd began singing a popular folk song, and it echoed against the mountains surrounding the valley of Inglenook, bouncing the song back to them. Panto was suddenly filled with joy. All of this was his. He had a place where he belonged. He had a people that he loved and who loved him. He knew he would remember the parade for the rest of his life.

 

They soon arrived at the castle. There was a little time before the ceremony while all the visitors filed into the great hall. There were far more people in the entrance hall than Panto ever remembered seeing in one place.

 

“Bitzy--” he said, looking down, but his baby sister was gone. “Bitzy!” He turned to look at the governess and nurse, behind him, but they both shrugged helplessly.

 

“I will check the nursery, your highness,” Bitzy’s nurse called.

 

Panto nodded. “You search the crowd, and I’ll go into the Great Hall,” Panto told his governess, who nodded, and they split off in different directions to look for Bitzy. At times like this, Panto wished he was taller. He was already taller than most boys his age, but it was nothing compared to all the adults who surrounded him, pushing him inexorably into the Great Hall. He split off at the door and stood behind a statue of his grandfather Panto the First. He looked around the Hall with fresh eyes, seeking anything that would help him see over the crowd. The wall behind him was carved to depict a harvest scene. He climbed up the wall, standing on carved hands and bundles of wheat, until he could see. No Bitzy. He would have liked to admire the view for a little while longer, but his arms were already aching, so he let himself down the wall. He knew he wouldn’t be able to push through the wall of people to get back into the entrance hall, so he went through the other doors into the courtyard.

 

“Tag, you’re it!” Bitzy shrieked, tapping another little girl’s shoulder and running away. The new It changed direction to tag one of her friends.

Panto swallowed his initial urge to call “Bitzy!” and scoop his little sister into his arms. He watched her play tag with her friends, though he had to step in before she fell into a mud puddle.

 

“Come on, Bitzy, it’s time to start,” he told her, smoothing her pink braid.

 

“Awh, Panto,” she wailed.

 

Panto knelt, making sure he put his knees on the cobble rather than the grass. “Bitzy, we are a prince and a princess. We have to support Momma and Daddy. They’re becoming the queen and king today!”

 

“I know,” Bitzy said sullenly. “I don’t wanna be a princess. I just wanna play tag!”

 

“You may not want to be a princess, but that is what you are,” Panto told her. “I bet someday you’ll change your mind.” He looked at her pout. “Don’t you like your pony? You have her because you are a princess. Other little girls don’t get ponies.” He crossed his fingers behind his back, hoping he was correct; his governess didn’t tell him much about how the peasants lived.

 

“Floflo!” Bitzy said, face lighting up.

 

“Exactly,” Panto said, smiling at her. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

 

“Okay.” They walked into the Great Hall together. Panto waved at their servants, who smiled in relief. He took Bitzy over to where their parents waited, ready to walk down the Hall to their thrones. Their parents gave Panto and Bitzy a hug each. Trumpeters heralded the new king and queen as they took slow steps down the center of the hall. One of the old king’s advisers awaited them, standing between their thrones, with one of their crowns in each hand. Jeppum and Marga took each other’s hands. They smiled at each other so brightly that Panto had a vision of what their wedding day must have looked like.

“Do you, Crown Prince Jeppum Trost, promise to protect and serve the people of Wendimoor with honesty and compassion?”

 

“I solemnly swear to protect and serve the people of Wendimoor with honesty and compassion; this is my oath.”

 

“Do you, Crown Princess Marga Trost, promise to protect and serve the people of Wendimoor with honesty and compassion?”

 

“I solemnly swear to protect and serve the people of Wendimoor with honesty and compassion; this is my oath.”

 

“Do you, the people of Wendimoor, promise to respect and obey your rulers, holding them to the duties they must perform for you?”

 

“We solemnly swear to respect and obey our rulers, holding them to the duties they must perform for us; this is our oath.” Panto said the sacred words with ease, but little Bitzy just moved her mouth along in time as she watched a butterfly float over the heads of the crowd. Another of the advisers brought a bowl of water from Faetubuli Lake forward, drizzling water over their joined hands.

 

The first adviser smiled as he put a crown on each of their heads. “Would everyone please welcome Their Majesties King Jeppum and Queen Marga?”

 

After the ceremony ended, it was time to go back to the carnival. Panto finally felt as though he could relax. He took off his royal blue clothes and changed into the simple clothes he wore most of the time. He ran out to join a group of boys his age practicing with wooden scissors in the yard. Though wooden scissors were lighter and much less dangerous, which Panto appreciated, they didn’t have the nice _snip_ sound of the metal scissors the older boys got to use. He grabbed a pair from a pile on the ground and joined the melee. He’d been working extra hard on his scissor work lately, and it was starting to show. He disarmed each of the boys within minutes and stood in the circle of fallen boys, panting.

 

“Can I play?” Litzibitz asked. Panto hadn’t seen her sitting cross-legged in the grass, making daisy chains, which for her meant tying the stems together. The ground around her was littered with broken flowers.

 

Panto dropped the scissors and dragged one hand down his face. “You’re not old enough yet, Bitzy.”

 

“I’m old!” she insisted, setting down her daisy chains. “I put on my own clothes! I…” she searched around for more evidence of her advanced age. “I can make toast.”

 

Panto laughed despite himself. “I am sure you make good toast. But these scissors are dangerous.” He bent to grab the scissors and sat down by Bitzy. “But you’ll learn how to use them, too, when you’re older. Remember what I told you? You might be a queen someday, like Momma.” He thought about his own lessons with his governess and other teachers. “Some of it is fun. I like learning history. Some of it is not very interesting, but it’s all important. We will take care of Wendimoor someday.”

 

Litzibitz kept her eyes on her hands as she twined a piece of grass around her fingers. “What does a queen do?”

 

“She has to listen to her people and help them. She has to make decisions about money to make sure the kingdom will survive. She helps run the castle and plan events,” Panto said. He wasn’t entirely clear on what actual daily duties for royalty were yet, but he could piece together the basics. Litzibitz didn’t look impressed. “Queens can wear pretty dresses?” He hazarded. That wasn’t quite true, and Litzibitz knew it; while the Dengdamors went in for beautiful clothes, even the Trosts’ fanciest clothes were simple and elegant. On an ordinary day, they wore much the same thing as their subjects. Litzibitz made a face. “They eat delicious food, like we do, and get to travel around Wendimoor,” Panto offered.

 

“Do I have to be a queen?” Litzibitz asked.

 

“No,” Panto admitted. “I mean, I don’t know. Most likely I will be king, and I’m not sure exactly what you will be.” There was no guarantee that she would marry a king or prince, since there were only the Dengdamors.

 

“Then I will be something else,” Litzibitz declared. “I want to play with horses!”

 

Panto laughed, acknowledging the battle was lost--but not the war, not yet. “You can play with as many horses as you like.” He leaned over and ruffled Litzibitz’s hair. “Teach me how to make a daisy chain?”

 

Litzibitz grinned and held up a pile of shredded daisies. “It’s easy! You just go like this…”

 

\--

 

“I’ve grown since I only wanted to play with horses,” Litzibitz said, smiling ruefully.

 

“You were very cute,” Panto said, returning her smile.

“Were very cute? I’m still cute, Panto,” she said, holding one hand beneath her chin and smiling her pixie smile.

 

“You’re the cutest,” Panto agreed, smiling. “But I miss the braids.”

 

Litzibitz ran one hand through her short hair, thinking about everything that had happened over the years. There were times that she had given everything she had into learning a queen’s duties. She had learned how to budget for wars, banquets, and famines. She had learned how to duel with scissors and talk a duke into doing exactly what she wanted him to do. She had helped her father solve their subjects’ problems. But she’d also chafed against the bit of being a princess.

 

She remembered the time she’d snuck out to the city, when she was twelve or so. She’d dressed as an ordinary girl and covered her pink hair with a scarf.

 

\--

 

“Get yer fresh fruit here! Apples, bananananas, finneapples, pears! Cheap as chips!”

 

“Burgabush fruits! Delicious and meaty!”

 

“I’ll give you two copper coins and no more!”

 

“What kinda merchant do you take me for?”

 

“Fresh fish!”

 

“Two copper coins only!”

 

Experiencing the city on foot and in disguise was vastly different than it was from the royal wagon. Litzibitz hadn’t planned for that. She shrunk into an alleyway between buildings and tugged her scarf further down her forehead.

 

“Hey, outta the way!” a rough voice said behind her. Litzibitz turned and threw herself against the wall as a knot of teenagers pushed past her.

 

“Sorry about that!” a girl her age called, waving, as she ran after the group.

 

“That’s--” Litzibitz called, but the girl had already disappeared into the crowd. Litzibitz ran gentle fingers over the scrape she’d gotten on her elbow. She looked longingly in the direction of her home, but she’d gone to all the trouble to sneak out to the city, so she’d better take advantage of it. She headed out of the alleyway and walked down the center of the market. Once she relaxed a little, she had to admit the market was beautiful. The booths boasted goods of every color. A table draped in fabrics caught Litzibitz’s eye. She ran a fabric through her fingers that felt like a shimmering sheet of water.

 

The weaver smiled at her. “See something you like? That one’s my favorite.”

 

“How did you make it?” Litzibitz asked, tilting the fabric to see it change color in the sun.

 

“That’s a secret, I’m afraid,” said the weaver. “Can’t go giving away all my tricks. But I can tell you it’s made from mermaid hair.”

 

Litzibitz looked at the fabric again and took out her coin purse. The weaver’s eyes widened when she saw how fat the purse was. “How much would it cost to buy enough to make a sash?” The weaver gave her a price and Litzibitz gave her the coins, her eyes on the fabric the whole time. The weaver wrapped the fabric in a piece of burlap, and Litzibitz tucked it away. “Thank you,” she said.

 

“You’re very welcome,” the weaver said, looking jealously at where the coin purse had disappeared beneath Litzibitz’s clothes. “Would you like anything else?”

 

“I won’t buy anything else today, but I think I will be back,” Litzibitz said, grinning, and disappeared into the crowd. She walked through the crowd now with her shoulders held high, itching to take out the fabric again and never let it go. She stopped at a fruit booth to buy a shiny purple apple and tossed it high into the air, catching it deftly and tossing it again as she walked.

 

“Ha!” said a girl in front of her, snatching the apple from the air. “Why didn’t ya eat this?” she asked, looking as though she’d love to eat the apple herself.

 

Litzibitz was about to protest when she got a good look at the girl and caught her breath. The stranger wore her green hair up off her face, showing off her features. Somehow she had the friendliest-looking face Litzibitz had ever seen. “You can have the apple if you want. I was just in a good mood...and…” She ran out of words to try to explain the apple tossing.

 

“Ta,” said the girl, grinning, and crunched into the apple. “Why ya in a good mood?”

 

“This market is just…” Litzibitz waved one hand around her. “I love it.”

 

“It’s just a market,” said the girl, but her eyes twinkled. “Not from here, are ya?”

 

“I...no. No, I’m visiting,” Litzibitz said. She was about to give her name when she remembered that she was undercover. She looked around the market and spotted a booth bursting with buckets of flowers. “I’m Lily.”

 

“Sugar,” the girl said, and stuck out one hand.

 

Litzibitz and Sugar wandered around the market for a while. It mostly consisted of Sugar telling Litzibitz things about the market and the town that she never would have learned otherwise. “You can get magic trinkets off the homeless man what lives in that alley,” Sugar would say, or, “That’s the best place to sleep when ya get kicked out ya house.”

 

“Have you been kicked out?” Litzibitz asked, wide-eyed.

 

“Tons of times,” Sugar said, kicking a pebble down the street. “I say sum’in wrong, my pop finds out I skipped school, whatever. They take me back the next day,” she added, seeing that Litzibitz looked worried. “You don’t have to worry about me!”

 

“That’s awful, Sugar!” Litzibitz said.

 

“That’s life in the city, hun. You never been kicked out?”

 

“Never,” Litzibitz said fervently.

 

They came to a stop in front of a wooden house. It was draped with clotheslines weighed down with laundry that flapped in the breeze. Dirt-smeared toddlers played with a puppy on the front stoop.

 

“This is me,” Sugar said. “I gotta make dinner for the kids.” She jerked a thumb at the toddlers.

 

“It was very nice to meet you, Sugar,” Litzibitz said. “Thanks for showing me the city!”

 

The corner of Sugar’s mouth twitched. “‘Course. See ya, Lily.” She waved and disappeared into the house. Litzibitz stood outside that house for a long time, just thinking and watching.

 

\--

 

The memory made Litzibitz smile and wince at the same time. She wondered what Sugar’s life was like now. She probably had some kids of her own.

 

“Panto,” Litzibitz began, thinking hard, “I don’t want to be a queen, exactly. But I want to help them. Is there a way that I can serve our people without being a queen?”

 

“What are you thinking about?” Panto asked, watching her carefully, and she told him about what she had learned with Sugar.

 

“I believe that we could do so much good for our people if I gather that knowledge,” she said slowly. “I wouldn’t be a spy, exactly, but something like it. If I learn that the schools do not have enough slates, or the cobbles make horses stumble, we can solve those problems.”

 

Panto nodded slowly. “I like that idea, Bitzy. I like it a lot.” He and Litzibitz grinned at each other. “We can call you the Seeker.”

 

Litzibitz laughed, her heart expanding like a balloon. “I can’t wait.”

 

“So, Silas and I shall stay here. I’m glad. I love our lands,” Panto said, sliding down the back of the bench so he could stare up at the sunset.

 

“I’m glad too, Panto,” Litzibitz agreed. “That way I can tell Silas every embarrassing thing you _ever did._ ” She laughed at Panto’s scandalized expression. “Do you mean that he doesn’t know about you walking through the castle in your loincloth singing about unicorns?”

 

“You weren’t alive then!” Panto gasped.

 

“Momma told me,” Litzibitz smirked.

 

“If you tell Silas about that, I will tell--” Panto struggled to think of someone who Litzibitz wouldn’t want to know her childhood stories. “--I will find someone to tell about the time you shouted ‘THIS IS YUCKY’ in the middle of that state dinner!”

 

Litzibitz laughed. “That is less embarrassing to me and more embarrassing to our parents.”

 

“True. I will find a better one.” Panto smiled and held out his hand so they could do their secret handshake. They finished it by sticking out their tongues, and then Litzibitz gave Panto another hug.

 

“I cannot believe you’re getting married,” she whispered. “That’s so...grown-up _._ ”

 

“It is, isn’t it?” Panto sighed. “But it feels so easy. You will see what I mean.”

 

“Gross,” Litzibitz whispered back.

 

“I am so glad you’ll be by my side, Seeker Litzibitz.”

 

“And I you, King Panto,” she replied. A shiver went down both their backs at the words _King Panto_. “I wouldn’t trade you for anything.”

 

“Now who’s being, as you say, gross?”

 

“Shhh.”

  
  
  
  



End file.
